hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
