I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
