this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize