we have pet lesbian snakes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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