Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
