My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
