whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
