wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
