I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
