what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
