Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
