In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize