living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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