I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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