i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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