Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
