He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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