I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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