woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
