i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
