i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
where are my eyebrows?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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