Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
