I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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