My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
