we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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