these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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