he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
