I don't usually arrange sex via text message
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
