so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
