I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
