he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's never too late to be topless.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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