U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
