He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize