I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
where does the pee come out of this thing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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