If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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