there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize