the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
