And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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