Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize