I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
