hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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