College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
