I am puke
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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