i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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