Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
