My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
