I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
