i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
