I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
