theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
