Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
