Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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