I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
