we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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