i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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