i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
