she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
