I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
