i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
