Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
