omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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