I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
