Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were destined to go to rehab together
Randomize
