i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
