Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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