Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize