Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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