You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize