And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
