you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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