I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This house was built for laser tag.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
