the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
