Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
