I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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