Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
