Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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