She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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