Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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