and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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