Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
