well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
