If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
